Saturday, January 21, 2012

Rejection by Post

The reason for naming this blog the way I did was two fold (discounting the not so clever pun). Firstly I wanted a place to post the letters I write when I feel uninspired. I write letters when I'm uninspired and stories when I am (thus conveniently providing an excuse when the letters are sub par). So I write these letters and I put them in the post when possible. Obviously there was nowhere to send Audrey Hepburn's letter. I sent the letter to the Pope to the Pope. On the envelope I wrote:
The pope
The Vatican
(In the midst of Rome)

And I covered the entire thing in stamps. He never wrote back. I sent the one to Gandolf and wrote The White Havens for the address. Anyway, that is the first reason for naming my blog thus.

Secondly, which is to say first and foremost (figure that one out!), this is the blog by and about a writer who wants to do what he loves professionally and one who apparently refers to himself in the third person. One bain of aspiring writers are rejection letters received by post. At first they were all form letters. Then about the time I had to trade a paper clip for one of those big black paper clamps to keep them all together I got my first personalized rejection. A meager helping of acceptance has given me hope but the rejections keep coming and I've had four or five personalized No's. These personalized rejections are actually better because they are from quality magazines whereas the acceptance has come from a more local source. Anyway, some of the rejections were amusing and so I will post them here.

The first personalized rejection was for the Pope Letter:

Well Sir,
I've seen the application--and it says you have to have produced
at least three provable miracles. (I don't think financially bailing out this
magazine counts, though I'll testify if you give it a try.)

Another one was for a story called "Porcelain Hope":

I'll give you credit for this: After seventeen years
as an editor, this is my first talking urinal story.
(If only Hal had been so helpful to Dave in "2001: A Space Odyssey".)

For the same tale:

While I appreciate the story's sentiment,
I just don't feel the whole bathroom/talking urinal
thing is right for my magazine.

Another for the same:

The talking urinal did pull a smile out of me.

The few others I've had were more technical and less amusing so I'll keep them to myself. My rejection letter stack has not grown at the same alarming rate it used to. Were it that it was due to some acceptance, but alas, tis due to my own laziness. So, a goal. You will see more of these this year, personalized and posted.

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